Parenting with Depression
And Other Emotional Intensities
July 8 & 10 (Tue, Thur) @ 6PM Mountain, and July 12 (Sat) @ 10AM Mountain
PARENTING WITH DEPRESSION is a 3-Part Series on Zoom for parents facing depression, trauma, anxiety, grief, and other significant emotional states. The purpose is not to heal or shift those emotional states (though that’s a welcome influence), but to understand how we can safely face these difficult feelings, which we know to be real, without negatively impacting our children.
There is no cost for these calls. At the end, I will invite participants to join me on Substack and become a paid subscriber for $5/mo. It will be your choice. A recording will be shared with those unable to attend.
Over the last year, I went through a significant period of grief and depression. I lost my home, my financial security, and the woman I loved. I was overwhelmed and flooded with difficult emotions every day for weeks and months. This triggered unwanted and shameful feelings from an early childhood trauma when my mother died suddenly and I was 1-year-old. During this time, my daughter thrived. She’s 13. She’s confident, intelligent, and outgoing.
How did we manage to do that?
I like honest questions, not simplified answers. I have insight to share, but this will be more of a presentation and discussion than a one-size-fits-all solution. Having talked with many friends, counselors, and elders, I now recognize that my daughter and I managed to navigate a dark passage without either of us leaning too heavily on one or the other. Somehow, we loved each other while escaping a very common pattern of unhealthy co-dependent emotional dynamics.
When I speak with adult women, this is almost unheard of. Men too. They often speak to me of feeling responsible for caretaking their parents’ feelings (especially their father’s), then finding themselves repeating this pattern in adult relationships. It’s a dynamic many have come to regret, yet keep repeating. How did my daughter and I escape this?
In this 3-Part Series, I will explore this topic with you and other parents (and adult children) who are interested in facing their difficult feelings (so we can grow) while maintaining a healthy degree of autonomy and emotional sovereignty for our kids and loved ones.
Our culture is under a lot of pressure right now. Many parents are facing personal, financial, and political stress, as well as their own histories of personal trauma. Thankfully, we’re better able to talk about these things today than in previous generations. We’re less likely to ignore or turn away from intense emotions and “toughen up.” We see the benefit of self-growth, and how it often requires us to face dark feelings like anxiety, depression, and grief. I think this is a huge improvement, and many of us recognize it in our friendships, partnerships, and the ways we’re raising children.
But how do we give our attention to what are legitimately difficult feelings without irresponsibly dragging our loved ones (and especially our kids) along with us and unwittingly holding them responsible for our emotional safety and wellbeing?
I’m excited to hear myself ask that question.
I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone say it quite like that. It lands sharply. If you’ve ever been the child of a parent who needed your emotional safety and comfort to feel good, or if you’ve ever witnessed yourself or another parent leaning too heavily on their child as a “friend” - this is for you. Please join me, and share this invitation with the parents and people who might need it. I’m not interested in easy answers or instant solutions. I’m interested in fostering a conversation so that we can each independently identify what is working for us.
Baby steps. If we as a culture are going to navigate the years and decades ahead, we are going to need tremendous strength in facing our own demons while simultaneously NOT blaming or relying on our kids, partners, or friends to make us feel good. True healing takes guts. It takes vulnerability and courage. Do we have the mettle to take this on without needlessly relying on others (especially children) to do it for us?
Parenting with Depression
And Other Emotional Intensities
July 8 & 10 (Tue, Thur) @ 6PM Mountain, and July 12 (Sat) @ 10AM Mountain
Joseph Sarosy
I am the author of How to Tell Stories to Children, Off Grid Kids, numerous resources on parenting, and the creator of the Juniper School, a homeschool cooperative in Taos, New Mexico. I have two degrees, one in civil engineering because I’m a math nerd, and one in philosophy because my friends were bookworms. I respect community members and elders, POC, and indigenous voices. I listen to children when they talk to me.
For over 10 years I have been teaching, writing, learning, and exploring the planet with my students and a collaborative group of elders, farmers, and craftswomen - almost exclusively in outdoor settings. In 2022, I co-facilitated a Forest Kindergarten Teacher Training, and in 2023 I received a grant from VELA Education Fund to promote alternative education in Taos.
Today, our cultural and technological legacies have given us a new choice: to integrate love and personal relationships back into our daily lives, our schooling, and our work. More people want to live, learn, and earn from home and with friends. It takes courage, but it can be done. Without this step, the loneliness and isolation that many of us feel will proceed unchecked as professionalism overtakes intimacy as the mark of success. Honest, loving attention remains possible. I want this for everyone. Everywhere.